Saturday, January 29, 2005
Is this cartoon character a danger to your soul? As he holds hands with his friend, doesn't that persuade impressionable young minds that homosexuality is both fun and good? Aren't they seduced by the sexual implications of these little friends? After all, everyone knows that when the Beatles sang "I wanna hold your hand!" on AM radio, they weren't just singing about helping someone to cross a street.
Believe it or not! This is the position of a far-right Christian, James Dobson, one of the major opinion makers of faith-based truths in America. His fundamentalism is terrified of sexuality to the point where it is projecting its own peculiar obsession onto the Rorschach inkblot test of an asexual cartoon character. Homosexuality is everywhere! Watch out, there it is now! Help me Lord, I might do something... I might wanna hold his..., aauuugghhh!
Oh dear God, will no one rid us of these paranoid bullies?
Holding hands. In the new radical view of fundamentalist christianity, the act of holding hands is to be condemned as religiously incorrect. Yet it shouldn't surprise anyone that you can find some damnable hand-holding going on in the Bible too:
2 Samuel 15
"And when a man came near to prostrate himself before him, he would put out his hand and take hold of him and kiss him.
In this manner Absalom dealt with all Israel who came to the king for judgment; so Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel."
Notice that, like with SpongeBob, there are a lot of males in that sentence. A lot of holding and even kissing going on there, with hearts stolen too. Yet even Dobson himself wouldn't see Absalom as a gay Jew would he? Maybe I shouldn't ask that.
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
P.S. Mac sent along another hilarious blog about Dobson & Squarepants: