Friday, September 16, 2005

Maher to Bush

Bill Maher's closing--an open message to George Bush:

"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any
more. There's no more money to spend--you used up all
of that. You can't start another war because you used
up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your
term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping
poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's
bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking
to you. Mission accomplished.

"Now it's time to do what you've always done best:
lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your
military service and the oil company and the baseball
team time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy
job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what
you're saying: there's so many other things that you
as President could involve yourself in. Please don't.
I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a
war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on
yachts. Turning the space program over to the church.
And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos
the vote.

"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why?
Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've
performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't
given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that
walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty
president, but even he never conceded an entire city
to rising water and snakes.

"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies,
the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a
piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans.
Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't
love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse
it could be if you were on the other side.

"So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying
is: 'Take a hint.' "


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