BREAKING NEWS!BREAKING NEWS: World Goes to Hell in a Handbasket!
Imperialists run global banking. Nations arming to the teeth. Nuclear weapons spreading. Explosive growth of private armies and mercenaries. Children conscripted into 3rd world militias. Torture legalized. 34 POWs murdered. Pre-emptive invasions, offensive strike-first policy becomes law. 6000 US soldiers AWOL in past 2 years. Corporate corruption is business as usual. Social services drastically cut. Education budget slashed. Hate crime back in fashion. Neo-nazis hold memorial. Scientists say climate chaos now unavoidable. Ocean chemistry change will end sea life. Species extinctions rising exponentially. Lead and mercury pollution stupified half of population in 20th century. Doctors say eating fish once per week is now too dangerous. Children watch 6 hours of TV daily. AIDS to plague 40% of African women. Slavery and prostitution at highest level in history in parts of Asia. Journalists censored. Governments increase spending on PR advertising. Students request less freedom. Christian program rakes in $13,000,000 profit. Another church slaying. Continued page 2 . . . .
IN OTHER NEWS: Random Act of Kindness From Stranger Reported
- Witness: "It really was senseless."
- Police: "No suspect apprehended because it is legal"
- Bystander: "It happens. No one reports it."
- Suspect: "We used to do that a few times a day."
- Expert: "R.A.K.S. or random acts of kindness from strangers is being studied. Not fully understood yet, but we're looking for a genetic link. Need more funding."
COMING UP TOMORROW: